Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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