I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
