in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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