dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
being pregnant is like rehab
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize