i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
