Don't you send me to vm
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
nutella sex= disaster
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
