Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
