You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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