Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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