dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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