How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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