A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Randomize
