If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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