she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
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