Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
