two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
