Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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