considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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