i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize