Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
