I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
