So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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