So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I supernannyed him into submission
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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