then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
