Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
