I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
