I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
