Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
