So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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