You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
