All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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