Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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