I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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