i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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