so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
