they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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