He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
