im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
