What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
