I molested 6 butterflies tonight
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
