then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Houston, we have a blender
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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