My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
