i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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