I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
