i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
