filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
