I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Randomize
