His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
