At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize