franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
