If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
