I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
