I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
My life is pants optional.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
