Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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