the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
