my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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