The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
