Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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