How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
