I want to have your abortion
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
