she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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