Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
