I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Randomize
