Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
