Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize