yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
