i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Woke up backwards on a recliner
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
