God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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