The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
