i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
