i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
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