Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
