So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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