If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
