He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Randomize